I AM A BAD GIFT GIVER. I can’t help it. Well, I NEVER RECYCLE GIFTS read. Why do I do this? Don’t could, but I always seem to get caught out there. Re-gifting is just tacky. Once I know—I’m reading up on it. I’m like the Puerto Rican George Costanza of this gave an old roommate an Italian DON’T BE TOO PRACTICAL leather clutch my stepmom gave I need a new microwave, but that gift giving ish. ’Cept I’m not that lame. And I’m not me for my birthday—I’d only doesn’t mean I want one under bald (at least not yet). But there’s nothing that used it once, so, technically, it my tree…unless it’s got money in makes me want to pull my hair out like shopping was almost new. The sad part? it. That’d work. Yeah, do that. for friends and loved ones. I mean, let’s forget for a The one time I wore it out, I was DON’T OVER WHELM with that very same girl. But I’d I once gave my boyfriend of eight minute the lines, the crowds, and all those damn forgotten. See? Tacky. months a ridiculously over-the- Santas trying to sucker me outta my dough (Salva- DON’T BUY WHAT top gift involving red construc- tion Army? What about the army of one? That’s all YOU WANT tion paper hearts. It was great. He I’m saying.) Buying gifts—it sucks. It’s like tax sea- My ex-boyfriend was the king of looked at me like I was psycho. I this. Anything he wanted, he’d prefer to think of myself as son except you get to watch the person enjoy your get me in pink. Powder pink “slightly overzealous.” Either dough. Not that I’m a Scrooge or anything. I mean, Timbs? I got those. A gaudy, pink way, we broke up. until I actually have to get someone something, I Ecko watch? I’ve got that too. think I want to get a gift. And it’s the thought that Even pink Gucci sunglasses— So go forth, shop, and be merry. more Energizer Bunny than me. As for me? This year I’m just counts, right? But seriously, it ain’t giving gifts that Not cute at all. buying gifts for my kid. He’s too gets under my skin. It’s giving the wrong gift, STEER CLEAR OF THE young to know the difference. which I do all too well. So don’t be like me; be better GENERIC I’m thinking of getting him a than me. This holiday season use this handy guide I can’t count the number of times microwave. Josephine Cummings not I’ve given $25 gift certificates to for what to do when you’re checking your list Barnes & Noble. And I know I’ve VIBE.COM twice. See, told you I wasn’t coldhearted. Didn’t I? given them to folks who don’t
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